tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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