You made me cry and you don't even care
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
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