It's a beautiful day for a hangover
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
