dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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