dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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