my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
this is an emotional support booty call
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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