Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
