why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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