FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
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Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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