My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
