i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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