I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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