i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
