He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
