Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We got so high we made milksteak
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
