after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
