get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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