My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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