I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
