I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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