The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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