An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
