Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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