she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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