Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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