batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
