Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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