do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
