My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think weed is turning my hair brown
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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