you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
