I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
