Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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