I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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