"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
