This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
