i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
