1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize