these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
