I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
