What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
