ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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