dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
