He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
