put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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