So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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