Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
