I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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