she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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