I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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