She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
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I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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