becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You took a bar mat shot.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
