I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
