The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
