Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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