Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
