This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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