she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
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There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
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Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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