I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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