she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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