If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
