I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
