allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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