Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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