tell your sister to shave her snatch
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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