Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
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dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
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All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.