Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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