i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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