I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
