He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
