Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
