break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
