I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
