please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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