Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
