You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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