if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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