I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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