Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
