I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
