I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
