he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Randomize
