My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
