Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
