nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
