4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
