I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
