Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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