if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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